Week 22 - OFFICIALLY 5 MONTHS

So this email is going to be pretty short I think. I am sorry. 

This week was very difficult for me, and I can’t figure out exactly why. I am 5 months into my mission today and everyone told me after the CCM it would get better, or after my training, or after 3 months. Well apparently I am doing something wrong because it is a slow journey that I am on, and obviously my Heavenly Father has some things he wants me to learn and apparently I am supposed to be a different person than I think I should be. But again I am reminded that God has a plan for each of us and it is not the same as my plan always. 

I am trying really hard to be patient and learn that things that I am supposed to here. I am trying to learn the things that my Heavenly Father wants me to learn. 

I went to the doctor this week for my back, and I am just very, very grateful for the healthcare system in the United States. I left feeling very frustrated because I didn’t feel like I was being listened to, but I am just trying to do my best with my very special body that has always had a lot of problems. 

Each week, even the very hard ones, I am reminded that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and loves me. I am here because I love my Heavenly Father and this is what he wants me to be doing right now. And I am struggling. I am trying to learn the things I am supposed to, but I can’t quite figure out how to do that yet without crying every day. hahaha. 

I love this gospel and I am grateful for the scriptures and for my Heavenly Father. There is a talk by Elder Holland that is amazing. It is the First Great Commandment. And I love every part of it. I am here because I do love my Savior and as much as I love and miss my family... I love my Father in Heaven a little bit more, and so I am trying to keep going. 

I love you all so very, very much! Sorry this is not super positive but oh well!!! 

Hermana Jacey Petersen

Email Conversation with Jacey today:

Jacey Petersen:  I’m on

Barbara Petersen:  Good Morning cute missionary of mine! ❤❤❤❤

Jacey Petersen:  HI MOM!!!!

Barbara Petersen:  Hi JACEY!! 💕💕💕💕 How are things going in Peru this week?

Jacey Petersen:  Honestly this week was hard. Very, very hard and I am not sure why. I had a big breakdown with my zone leader and district leader and they are really worried about me. I am sad and homesick and I don’t know why. I am struggling and I don’t know how to be happy. I also went to the doctor and they told me i didn’t have a herniated disk so then I was very frustrated bc I do have one and they didn’t do anything to find out what was actually wrong. Then I couldn’t sleep and was throwing up all of Saturday night. So this week the president called me twice so that’s probably bad.... he said we aren’t going to do anything with my back here in Peru. Just take Ibuprofen every day for pain, and if it gets really bad again like before the mission I will probably have to go home. As for my emotions he said i shouldn’t go home for that which is good. I don’t want to quit bc I am sad or bc it is hard, but boy is this tough. But yeah he said just try to be positive and try and make a choice every day to be happy

Barbara Petersen:  Oh sweetie!! Take a deep breath!! And try to be still. I have found that when I am not getting answers that my mind worries more than it should. It tends to make things worse. You are not in as dire situation as you think you are!! I promise!!

Barbara Petersen:  I sent your MRI picture to your Ward Mission Leader for you to show a PT, is that going forward?

Jacey Petersen:  What is wrong with me mom.... other people love this....

Jacey Petersen:  I got it and when I went to the doctor I asked them if they wanted to see it and they didn’t look so that frustrated me too. So my president doesn’t think I should do physical therapy or anything here bc the health care system isn’t as good...

Jacey Petersen:  i got a blessing and in it one part said to read the scriptures and look for answers. So yesterday someone told me that they thought maybe I should go home, and I was struggling with that and trying to figure out what to do. So I opened the scriptures and opened to Alma 38 and there is a verse that basically said continue to teach... so I feel like I have to stay here. It is just so incredibly difficult, and 13 months feels like an ETERNITY

Barbara Petersen:  Nothing is wrong with you!!!!!! There is just a part of your spirit that needs to feel the reason behind everything you do. Do you remember the reasons people go on a missions? Maybe this is for you. Maybe this is for a companion. Maybe this is to help find someone you can connect with. BUT Heavenly Father knows you. He will always answer your prayers, but you have to be still enough to hear them.

Barbara Petersen:  Okay, here is what I am going to do. I will talk to a PT somehow, and get some exercises for you to do on your own. Can you get Napraxin down there? Take that instead of Ibuprofen.  Also, do you know if I can send your muscle relaxants to you? Remember that your back hurts more during certain times of the month than others. Try to listen more closely to the things that hurt it and the things you are okay doing. Try to minimize the things that hurt it more.

Jacey Petersen:  yeah.... I have always had a hard time being still... hahah I live my life pretty fast and big and this mission is not fast.

I don’t know about getting Napraxin. I can look. Also I don’t know if you can send me drugs or not.

Barbara Petersen:  Pray for Heavenly Father to help your body heal!! That herniation is supposed to be absorbed by the body!! For some reason it is not. Get a blessing if you haven't yet. and  Pray, Pray, Pray for miracles. It is okay to ask for the things we need. You aren't being punished. It is just life. Sometimes you need to ask yourself, "How am I going to let this define me?"

Barbara Petersen:  You are under stress. That will always effect your body!! Try to breathe through it, and believe!! Heavenly Father loves you!!

Jacey Petersen:  Okay! I will pray. Why am I stressing so much though? And why am I so homesick. I wasn’t this homesick at BYU. I was never a homebody.

Barbara Petersen:  If you do need to come home, Make it be because you need to take care of your body. Not because you are homesick or because you have let your brain convince you that is what you need to do. Make sure that you leave it all in the field!! Does that make sense?

Jacey Petersen:  Yes. I told my president today that I don’t really want to go home because I don’t think I could come back. I don’t want to quit bc I am sad or bc it is hard. I would hate myself if i did that. So i can’t. I just have to somehow figure out a way to convince my brain that I am okay here in Peru.

Barbara Petersen:  Because you are in a totally different environment, and because you are not feeling secure. The answer is to try to figure out how to be secure when you don't have any reason to be. That takes faith! Pray for more faith. Pray to use divine strength. You know what I am telling you. Practice doing it!

Jacey Petersen:  Yeah I do know those things. They are just a lot easier said than done...

Barbara Petersen:  Oh Princess. You ARE DOING better than you think you are doing!! Everyone has been asking me about our Skype call on Christmas and how it went. I keep telling them it was SO good. You are doing far more than you think you are doing!! Please give yourself a break. You are doing great things. You are trying to serve the Lord. It was about this time in Brandi's mission that she started having doubts and anxiety. Just relax!! You can do this, and you can do this your way, and you can do this well!! Missions are hard!! But when you get through this you are going to be able to have a cemented testimony of your Savior because he has been there with you for something incredibly hard. This will be one of those things that you will be glad you did for the rest of your life!!

Barbara Petersen:  I will pray for you more!! I will put your name on the prayer roll of the temple, and I will think of you all day every day!! I love you sweetheart! You are not alone! I am here with you. Feeling everything you feel because I am your mom!!

Jacey Petersen:  Missions are very hard. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t realize it would be quite this difficult. How did Brandi get through it? I am sure that after this is all over I will be grateful that I did it. I know that I am learning, but right now it is just hard, and I am sad, and I feel lonely and very far from home and very different.

Jacey Petersen:  Thank you mom!! I love you

Barbara Petersen:  There is a small journal in the package that is coming. It is from your brother. Look at each of the pages when you get it. We ARE HERE FOR YOU!!

Barbara Petersen:  I LOVE YOU TOO!!

Jacey Petersen:  Which package... the one that went to Lima north or the other

Barbara Petersen:  The one that went to Lima North!! I had forgotten about Max's gift in there until he reminded me. He was not happy about it getting lost. He loves you and ALWAYS comes up with the right gifts.

Jacey Petersen:  Do you know when I should get my package?

Barbara Petersen:  What are you willing to give up right now for Heavenly Father to bless you forever? These months are just a blink in eternity! Do you still want to be where the Lord needs you to be? I have been trying to figure out where the new mission is going to be. Peru Limatambo mission I am guessing is going to be between your mission and the Cusco mission. BUT, here is the interesting part. I do not know how things are going to turn out, but there does happen to be more cities than Ayacucho that have CHU in them. Just saying. I do not know if I am remembering my dream right, but you have work to do. And with GREAT RESPONSIBILITY COMES GREAT POWER!!

Barbara Petersen:  I don't know! Angie told me they had found it, and they were going to pick it up and bring it down to you. I do not know if they are waiting for the next delivery to be made, or if it is transit now.

Jacey Petersen:  I actually just wrote about that in my group email. I am trying to be okay giving up really hard things bc I love my Savior. It’s just really hard when I feel like I am giving up good things. Wow.... yeah I don’t know where the new mission will be. But that is interesting. Maybe your dream will be right haha.

AWE I love Max so much

Jacey Petersen:  Okay. My comp is going to Lima today so I will ask her to check to see if it is there.

Barbara Petersen:  Sweetheart!! Try to find peace in the fact you are not trading good things for worse things. You are giving up good things for things that are better!!

Jacey Petersen:  Okay! hahah I will try to remember that. I love you so very very much! I have to go here in a minute! Pray for me.

Barbara Petersen:  I am on the phone with Dad!! We both love you so very much! We will pray for you!!

Jacey Petersen:  Thank you!!! Tell him that I love him so very much! And max!! I have to go,  but I love you so so much and I miss you so so much!!

Barbara Petersen:  ❤❤❤❤

Jacey Petersen:  I love you!! Talk to you next week!

Barbara Petersen:  Till next week!!  I will pray for you!